scrub –noun Why had he been afraid?
an animal of inferior breeding or condition
a small or insignificant person
Nigel laughed. He knew. It was that stupid mortal self he’d let continue to dominate him. It had been afraid its own shadow.
True part of that fear came from the media and those bleeding heart stories of his kind so desperate to regain their humanity at all cost. It was obvious to him that whoever wrote that crap had no idea, not even an inkling of a clue, what it was like to be a homo vrykolakas, a vampire. If those authors did know then their main characters would never want to become human again. Why would they? Nigel had never felt more alive since he has finally fed on a human.
Still, excuses aside, why had he fought the change so hard? For one year he'd avoided human blood; for one year he'd polluted his body with heroin to stop the sound of the heartbeats around him; for one year he continued as a shadow of the man who should have died that night in the alley.
It may have taken him longer than it should to understand his true nature. His brethren have forgiven him. All that matters now was he not human any longer and that he has discovered he can live with.